Scene 1: Recap

Rhomande: Well, my beloved audience, I had quite the birthday celebration last month.  Even though you weren’t invited to the party itself–and I can honestly say that this was primarily an issue of space–I hope you enjoyed the antics and follies of my Insufferable Basterds.  Now you see what happens when I’m not around to guide them away from such nonsense.  Anyway, the Emperor is still imperiled, and the Empire’s capital city of Sahn Daskaar is still under attack by the exoplanar collective known as The Hungering End.  Not only has his Holiness Emperor Nashtif XXVII recalled all task forces, strike teams, and peregrine armies, but he has also sent the call for defense to the myriad enemies the Empire has made over the past ten millennia or so.  One of those Imperial Task Forces, one may even say an Imperial Posthe, has recently been traversing the underbelly of the multiverse, in order to return to the Holy City for its united defense.  I now give you Hera Laris and the Dipson Memorial Action Town Criers for more information.  What’s the news, Hera?

((Sfx: d20 roll at “honestly say” phrase))

((Music: Ben Briggs – Star Clash Theme))

Hera: Thank you, Rhomande.  Tonights top story follows Ormr Ironheel’s Imperial Posthe, as they tread along the Prismatic Path, a nondimensional boulevard that runs between and beneath the more fully-formed cosmi.  Few individuals have ever returned from this nonspace, but the Action Town Criers are fortunate insofar as one of our very own reporters has done so.  Let us now turn to the Vengeful Ghost of Adanska Rothgeld for more information on this Atemporal Avenue.  Adanska?

Adanska: Thank you, Dame Laris.  Though, I must make a correction.  The place in question is neither a boulevard nor an avenue.

Hera: Oh?  Then what is it.

Adanska: It is called a path.  A Prismatic Path.

Hera: I stand corrected.  What other information do you have on this locale?

Adanska: Not much.  It does appear to be one of the many places a soul may end up once it is shorn from its corporeal anchor.

Hera: If I am hearing you correctly, this Prismatic Path is a place you go… when you die?

Adanska: Precisely, Dame Laris!  I first came to this location shortly after that treacherous axe betrayed and murdered me!  Fortunately, I seem to have found the correct portal to return my spirit to its plane of origin.  Albeit, without that corporeal tether.

Hera: Which reminds me… Adanksa, you need to take better care of your corpse.  Ever since Chip… passed away (single, teary sniff)… nobody has been able to recast Gentle Repose as necessary.  Once we wrap on this report, I want you to wash and to properly preserve your body, so that it stops stinking to the high heavens.

Adanska: Of course, Dame Laris.  I did not realize that the smell had gotten so bad.

Hera: I understand, Adanska.  You are a ghost, and as such your sense of smell is limited to the ethereal plane.  But you still could have guessed the state of olfactory affairs, by the greening skin and maggoty holes that have slowly grown over the past few months.

Adanska: My apologies, Dame Laris.  It has been quite some time since I have worn my own body.  Of late, Grand Marshall Umbar Spikeshoe has been using my psionic abilities to coordinate the city’s defenses.  I honestly never realized how comfortable dwarven bodies can be.  Grand Marshall Spikeshoe’s corpus has the perfect mix of sturdy limbs, a soft layer of body fat, and a thick, warm beard.  He’s just so cozy!

Hera: Adanska, you are supposed to be reporting on Ironheel’s Imperial Posthe and their progress along the Prismatic Path, not on your own doings since arriving in Sahn Daskaar.  Much less on comparative anatomy.  

Adanska: My apologies, Dame Laris.  I simply have no new information on the whereabouts or the progress of Master Ironheel’s Posthe.  I was trying to stretch this segment out until we could break for a commercial.  So, uh… Back to you, Hera!

Hera: Thank you, Adanska.  Up next: halflings are calling it “The Fun Plant”, but the dangers of this florum are drastically understated.  But first, a word from our sponsor, Frozen Summit Private Reserve Eiswein!

(Music change from Ben Briggs – Star Clash Theme to     (fill in the blank I)    )

Stil:  Try my new Frozen Summit Private Reserve Eiswein!  Only 500 barrels of this Limited Edition Eiswein were produced.  All the COOLEST (SFX: snowy/icy wind) adventurers are already on their way to the Frozen Summit Crossplanar Bar & Grille to purchase theirs.  Better get to the Frozen Summit Crossplanar Bar & Grille before they do!  

Stil:  We’re right through that door at the end of the alley.  You know the one.  It’s in every city, town, and swineherd village on every plane of existence.  

Stil:  Frozen Summit Private Reserve Eiswein, for only the COOLEST (SFX: snowy/icy wind) adventurers.

(Music change from     (fill in the blank I)     to Steven O’Brien - Firefly Village Main Theme)

Rhomande: O my beloved audience, please do recline upon your gilded seats, liberally quaff your libations, inspire your pharmakoi, and adjust your listening devices that you may thorougly enjoy your evening at The 20-Sided Theatre.